The Hal Oral Chronicles

"Is still debating the pros and cons of string theory… while writing dick jokes" HalOral.com where intellectual thoughts meets excessive debauchery.

Who Dat?

Now that the Saints have won the Super Bowl, I haven’t heard this many “Who Dat’s” since JT Money. video

Jersey Shore to the Hamptons?

Apparently the cast of the Jersey Shore is taking their shenanigans to the Hamptons this summer, and it’s not making anyone happy. One girl at the party I was at said “Great, now they are going to ruin the Hamptons!” Really? They are going to ruin the Hamptons? I’m no aristocrat, but I’m pretty sure all of the Locals say that about the rich crowd that comes in every summer. Then all the rich people say that about the middle class 20-30 somethings who use it as a weekend party center. Now the kids who aren’t Italian enough to go the Jersey Shore and would rather head out east are finally not the bottom of the spectrum anymore, so now yes, the cast of the Jersey Shore is ruining the Hamptons. I guess no one gets to enjoy the Hamptons anymore. At least Royal Pains is a good show.

Record Breaking Performance

Drew Brees tied the Super Bowl record with thirty-two completed passes, which felt like the same amount of dropped passes Pierre Garçon had. Ok maybe I exaggerated, but the man choked worse than David Carradine.

Betting

I did a little betting on the Super Bowl and between my bets and boxes I won 247 dollars. So what I’m trying to say is, I’m rich. Now I can quit my job, quit this blog and fulfill my lifelong dream of having an above average night out in Manhattan or buying 4,940 pieces of Bazooka gum. Maybe I’ll finally be able to collect all of the Bazooka Joe comics and fortunes. “He who eats ice cream in a car is a sundae driver” or “Smoking is like dieting – the more you do it, the more you lose” and “Patience is a virtue. Seersucker is a fabric.”

… And the home of the (wait for it…)

What makes betting during the Super Bowl so fun is all of the random things you can bet on. Coin Toss, times the TV Cameras show Eli and Archie Manning, but the big bet at the Super Bowl part I was at was the Over/Under for the United States National Anthem, “The Star-Spangled Banner”. Carrie Underwood had the honor of singing the anthem and the people I was with did research all week. Apparently they were watching clips on YouTube of her past performances of the anthem. Her longest performance to date was 1 minute 41 seconds. The Over/Under was 1 minute 42 seconds. Everyone bet on the under, but I was a little skeptical because the Super Bowl is the biggest stage, so I would think she would want to drag it out, show herself off. The results, I’ll just say it pun-nishly, the singer of the National Anthem was Carrie Overwood at 1 Minute 47 seconds.

Beer and Doritos

Everyone at the party brought a twelve pack and a bag of Doritos. Looks like for the next week the party hosts’ diet will consist of protein from the beer, Mexican every night for dinner with the Spicy Nacho chips and completing the food pyramid with the vegetables of Cool Ranch.

Cute and Cuter

Puppy Bowl IV was airing on Animal Planet during the Super Bowl. This is the first year I missed it, and considering they had bunny cheerleaders, an all-kitty halftime show and gerbils flying above field in a blimp, I’d have to guess it was the best to date. Harry Kalas, the voice of NFL-Films, did the voice over for the first five Puppy Bowl’s but passed away in 2009, so he was unable to provide his voice of this historic event. All dogs shaved a HK into their fur for remembrance.